I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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