Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
