I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
