I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
