Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
