My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
