whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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