I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
