So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
