Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize