Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
