Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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