did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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