I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
