do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
