your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
