If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
