life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
