He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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