Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
