so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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