My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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