Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
