Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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