Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
