Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
