I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
