Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
