Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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