I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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