allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize