Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
