We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Houston, we have a blender
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
