I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
