there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
