sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
