Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
