am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
