Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
