Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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