Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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