I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
