Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
