Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
