I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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