I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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