Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
