my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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