I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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