But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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