I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
