Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
