Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
