You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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