It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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