I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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