VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
