"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
