yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
