The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
