its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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