I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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